Betty and Papa take a Walk

This is the story of Betty, a scruffy, little dog from America.  Betty and her Papa moved down to Panama from Portland, Oregon.  Panama is in Central America.  Things are different in Panama than they are in Oregon.  At first Betty was a little sad that her friends from Oregon didn’t come to Panama too.  Betty’s Papa explained to Betty that some people were happy where they were, and that Papa was happy they were where they were, and were they to be where they were he would not be happy where he were,…was.

THE ROAD WHERE WE LIVE

Today, Betty and Papa went for a walk in their new neighborhood.  But, first she has to hold still long enough for Papa to put on her harness.  Then Papa has to fumble with the leash for a long time.  When they are ready, they head out the door.  Then Papa always says, “Hang on”, and goes back in the apartment for the gate keys.  Once Papa and Betty climbed all of the stairs up to the road only to find the outside gate locked.  Papa said “Shit!” and they both had to go all the way back to the apartment for the keys, then all the way back up the stairs.  Papa says that won’t happen again.

Betty Smells (heh heh)

Betty likes to go for walks because there are so many different smells to smell. Betty makes sure to stop and smell every last one of them.  Then she has to pretend to pee on each of them which makes Papa’s feet hurt.


Eventually Papa and Betty begin to move forward.  They pass the big, modern house next door where nobody lives and brown

THE EMPTY HOUSE NEXT DOOR

skinned men take care of the yard.  Papa thinks it is a “crying shame” that the house is not his. 

Next they pass the house were the big horses live.  Nobody lives in the house because the horses can’t turn the door knobs by themselves.  So they live outside.  Sometimes one of the horses comes to the fence to snort hello.  Next, Papa waits while Betty chews on her foot.  She does not like to get pine sap on her foot, but she walks in beds of pine needles a lot because apparently they smell good.

SHOULD BE MINE

Every day they pass the cute little house where the road bends. A brown skinned woman lives there by herself.  There is an old, white automobile parked next to the little house.  It is an early sixties Custom Continental in pristine condition.  Papa says it is a “crying shame” that the car is not his.

 Across the road is where “Mr. Gillis” lives.  He is a Doberman Pincer who guards a big house with a very big yard.  Papa calls him “Mr. Gillis”, because he is a Dobie.  Some of you will not understand this reference but Papa

MISTER GILLIS

doesn’t care.

“Mr. Gillis” is friendly and comes to the fence to say hello and sniff.  Betty says hello to be polite, then pees.  There is also an old dog that lives with “Mr. Gillis”.  Sometimes he walks over – real slow, and barks.  Then “Mr. Gillis” barks so that he doesn’t feel left out.  That is when Papa and Betty continue on their walk.

PIDDLE TIME...AGAIN!

Suddenly Betty begins to sniff and sniff in the damp ground cover on the side of the road.  She smells something very important and stands sniffing for what Papa feels is an inordinate length of time.  Finally Betty Pees and they begin to move on, but then Betty walks around in little circles then begins to poop.  Papa laughs because Betty looks funny when she poops.  Betty isn’t amused.  Everyone poops.

GILLIGAN GATE

Papa and Betty walk around another bend. They walk past a fence with a Gilligan’s Island gate that is always open.  The gate opens in to a big jungle area, with giant banana trees.  On the other side of the road are two big estates with tall fences and nice yards where brown men work sometimes.  Papa is not sure if anyone lives in them.  He thinks it is a “crying shame”.

"THE KILLER" BEHIND BARS

As they walk downhill, there is a big iron gate where “The killer dog” lives.  He is a black lab.  He just stares at Betty with his cold, dead eyes.  Papa knows that he would kill Betty in a heartbeat if Papa weren’t on the other end of Betty’s leash.  The killer dog has killed many cats and small animals just for sport.  Papa carries protection just in case the killer dog’s gate is open one day.  Papa always talks nice to the killer dog, but would gut it in an instant if it ever attacked Betty.

Next to the black killer dog is a white dog who lives in a carport and always barks and gets tangled up in its tether when he rushes the gate at his house.  He has big teeth and a dangly wiener, but Betty doesn’t care.  She sniffs and pees anyway.  When they reach the bottom of the hill Papa shows Betty where he saw a big Vulture picking apart a dead cat just yesterday when he hiked down the mountain.  Papa thinks the killer black dog killed the kitty, but could never prove it in a court of law.

ONE OF MANY EMPTY ESTATES ON OUR WALK

Around the corner, at the bottom of the hill, is a beautiful home with exotic plants and flowers on the outside of the fence and a not so exotic Pit Bull on the inside of the fence.  If he hears them pass by he comes running, snarling and drooling at the fence.  Papa calls him “Copper” because he looks like another Pit Bull named Copper.  Papa talks nice to him too, just in case he ever gets loose and “Copper” happens to understand English.  Betty pees on “Copper’s” plants.  “Copper” seems upset, so Papa tells Betty it is time to leave.

NOT SOPHIE'S BOOBS (but like them)

Around one more curve and back up the hill go Papa and Betty.  But there is one more doggy to annoy.  Her name is Sophie.  Sophie used to live where the horses live but Sophie’s Papa moved to a better house.  Sophie had many babies recently and her boobies waggle all around, this way and that when she barks and runs.  Betty thanks Dog that she doesn’t have to carry those things around with her.  Papa looks down at his own chest self-consciously and says it’s a “crying shame”.

Home again, home again, jiggity-jig. Papa fumbles with the leash and unhooks Betty’s harness.  I falls to the ground underneath her, and Papa always says “Okay, kiddo, you’re free.”  And Betty always stands there patiently, like she should when Papa is trying to put on the harness.  Papa gives Betty a little pat on the rump and she steps out of her harness. Through the gate, down all the stairs and back home she goes.  Betty lays down to rest.  It has been a good walk.

THE END